Jimmy Carr

I have just noticed what a great comedian this dude is!! I was feeling a bit mopey the other night and he cheered me right up. I am definitly going to go and see him live - I love the way he takes the piss out of audience members.

Change is in the Air

I am on a mission to make some big changes for the new year!!! All the things I dont like about my current situation I am going to do something about. Starting with a new job!!!!!!

I think the problem with a lot of people is they get stuck in a rut and are afraid to do anything different or take any risks. Well, you can live your life like that and live with regret OR you can do something about it!!!!

I am still alive

.....but SO busy with work and masses of other stuff I have almost forgotton I have a blog.

Will think of something intelligent to write soon.

How do you stop an elephant from charging?
By removing his batteries.

A 2nd grader asked her mother the age-old question, "How did I get here?" Her
mother told her, "God sent you."
Did God send you, too?" asked the child.
"Yes, Dear," the mother replied.
"What about Grandma and Grandpa?" the child persisted.
He sent them also," the mother said.
"Did he send their parents, too?" asked the child.
"Yes, Dear, He did," said the mother patiently.
"So you're telling me that there has been no sex in this family for 200 years!
No wonder everyone's so grouchy around here."

Q. What’s the best way to force a man to do sit-ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes.


A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar.The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

Long Summer Holiday!

One of the best things about being a teacher is the great holidays!! I have recently returned from a two week trip to Ireland and still have 3 weeks to go before I have to go back to work!!! We managed fill the two weeks with loads of stuff including a visit to Belfast, Giants Causeway, the beautiful Rathlin Island, Newgrange in Meath (I managed to bump into someone who knows my Aunt who lives in Navan - its a small country!!), The Rock of Cashel in Tipperary, Vinegar Hill and the 1798 Rebellion Centre as well as the picturesque Wexford Town. Not to mention the beautiful beaches (climbed the second highest sand dune in Ireland), lovely B&B's and we are also very grateful for hospitality from my boyfriend's parents and brother. Now just to decide what to do with the rest of my summer holiday....hmmm.....time to write that novel perhaps....???

A Gorgeous Brute!!

This cat is so unusual with different coloured eyes!!!

Here is an extract from a cats diary which I found. It is effective as it illustrates the way they exist alonside humans!!!

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was... Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak), and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

And a final word...

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

A Big Dose of Harry Potter!!!!

I am so excited because not only is the film of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix about to come out but the new and probably final Harry Potter book is published on 21st July!!!!

I am going on holiday on 22nd July so I can't decide whether to shut myself away on Saturday 21st and read it all at once, take it on holiday and read it a bit at a time (if I have time which I may not) or leave it at home and ration myself to only reading a couple of chapters a day throughout August. Hmmmmm....decisions.. decisions....

Children

I miss being a child!! I miss being able to go on swings and slides and roundabouts without people giving me odd looks. I miss being able to ride my bike on the pavement without elderly ladies glaring at me. I miss being able to say rude things in public and people just thinking I was cute. I miss the attention from older relatives who thought everything I said was interesting. But most of all I miss the freedom to do stupid things and people would think 'she's only little'. Now I do the same things and they think 'where are the men in white coats?'

Returning to my childhood is impossible and in fact there are lots of things I would not want to return to. Like being told what to do by parents, carers, teachers and anyone older who felt like it. Like being patronised and ignored when an 'adult' conversation was going on. Like being restricted and watched all the time.

Therefore I think the only solution would be to have a child of my own. Then I will be able to go back on the swings and the slides and play frisbee in the park and shout odd things in public and people will think it's OK, she's just entertaining her child. She isn't mad. Also think how fit I will get doing all that running around!! I can go swimming and play in the water with a big blue beach ball instead of having to do boring adult lane swimming. I can go to the zoo and make funny noises at the animals without feeling stupid. I can go to the Tower of London and Madame Tussauds and the museums and the London Eye and climb hills and mountains and see all that stuff again with new eyes.

OK OK I know I will have to go through a couple of years of inarticulate noises, dirty nappies and sleepless nights before my child gets old enough to do all these things but it will be worth it!! Babies are cute anyway so....I have decided to have one soon, hopefully by 2008!!! In fact it is something I MUST do. I think my boyfriend understands. At least I hope so!!! A lot of men don't understand how some women feel about having a baby. It is not an idea it is something we must do in order to make our lives complete.

Ni Ni Ni Ni Ni!!!!!!!!!

I was worrying about something unimportant the other day and suddenly thought - how stupid am I being??? I decided then and there to never ever worry about anything again. Even the worst thing I could possibly imagine happening has a positive side. Even terminal illness, pain and death has a good side - at least I will know what is on the other side of death and find out about the afterlife. Even if I lost my job and home and had to start all over again - it would be exciting, something new!!

So...................from now on I am going to be totally chilled about everything.

I will let the Knights who say Ni of the esteemed Python of Montingness have the last word on this:

Arthur: Who are you?

Knight of Ni: We are the Knights who say..... "Ni"!

Arthur: (horrified) No! Not the Knights who say "Ni"!

Knight of Ni: The same.

Other Knight of Ni: Who are we?

Knight of Ni: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Ping, and Nee-womm!

Other Knight of Ni: Nee-womm!

Arthur: (to Bedevere) Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!

Knight of Ni: The knights who say "Ni" demand..... a sacrifice!

Arthur: Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods.

Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!

Bedevere: No! Noooo! Aaaugh! No!

Knight of Ni: We shall say "Ni" to you... if you do not appease us.

Who remembers Castle Sauberac?

It is eleventh century England. Deep in the heart of the countryside, bumbling magician Catweazle finds himself cornered by Norman Soldiers. Relying on the unsure powers of his magic, he leaps into a lake to escape his pursuers. However he flees further than he had hoped travelling nine hundred years through time into the twentieth century. In unfamiliar surroundings Catweazle is soon discovered by Carrot, a young boy who lives at a local farm, and through him, Catweazle discovers that things have changed beyond his imagination.

The first episode of Catweazle was shown on 15th February 1970, more than 6 years before I was born. The series was conceived and written by Richard Carpenter, and ran for two seasons starring Geoffrey Bayldon as the irrepressible Catweazle. As a child in the 1980s I was given the books and was entranced by the story of the wizard and his antics. Recently I watched the television series on DVD and was struck by how much better childrens programmes were then than they are now.

At around 12 years old I loved the BBC childrens comedy series Maid Marian and Her Merry Men written by Tony Robinson (aka Baldrick in Blackadder). I still have a tired old video tape on which I recorded all the episodes and I still watch it now .

Robin Hood is an ineffectual wimp, whereas the formidable idealist Marian is the true leader of the resistance against the evil monarch King John. Marian terrorises the forest-dwelling peasants into following her commands as she plots to rob from the rich to feed the poor. But, courageous and capable though she is, her plans rarely turn out as she envisages, being derailed either by her naive idealism or the sheer incompetence of the mentally challenged nincompoops who comprise her Merry Men, including Rabies, Barrington (a Rastafarian) and the appropriately diminutive Little Ron.

Another brilliant kids TV series, The Ghosts of Motley Hall, also written by Richard Carpenter, was shown in 1976 (the year I was born). I have never seen the series but absolutely loved reading the book - I am going to oreder the DVD as I am sure I will love it as much as an adult as I did as a child.

Motley Hall was for sale! And, as the local residents were saying, a good thing too, for it had been looking more derelict every year as it lay empty, gathering layers of dust and ivy and cobwebs, while the owner, the last of the big Uproar family, travelled abroad on his own. Now he was dead (knelt on by an elephant, people said!), and the house would be sold. It didn't matter much, for there was no one left to care - or no one that ordinary people knew about. What they didn't know was that there was a thriving community of GHOSTS at Motley Hall, all of whom were taking a very lively interest in its fate. Motley was much more than a home to them; it was more a rather comfortable prison, because they could never leave it even if they wanted to, so it would be bad luck if it fell into the wrong sort of hands, or worse still, if the house were to be demolished. Then they wouldn't stand the ghost of a chance.
The future looked frightful, but the ghosts of Motley Hall - Bodkin the clown, Sir Francis the gambler, irascible Sir George the Victorian general, Matt the stableboy, and the mysterious White Lady - were determined to defend Motley against all comers. And what they lacked in physical force could be made up by powers of a supernatural kind.

The fantastic Harry Potter series covers the book/film genre but there is definitly a gap in the market for a good childrens TV series.....maybe one day I will get some inspiration to write one....