Romantic Love
Tristan & Isolt
Night, and vast caverns of rock and of iron: Voices like water, and voices like wind:
Horror, and tempests of hail that environ
Shapes and the shadows of two who have sinned.
Wan on the whirlwind, in loathing uplifting
Faces that loved once, forever they go,
Tristram and Isolt, the lovers, go drifting,
The simmer and laughter of Hell below.
by Madison Cawein
The Arthurian legend of Tristan and Isolde is one of the great romantic stories of the Middle Ages. The picture above by John William Waterhouse is a beautiful depiction of the lovers.
Love can be defined in many different ways, such as the love of a mother for her child, the love found in close friendship and the love which grows after years of marriage. The type of love most often written about in both literature and films is romantic love.
When individuals base their marriages and relationships on romantic love they are likely to fail because this type of feeling is based completely on illusion.
The dictionary defentition of the adjective romantic can be summarised as follows:
1.
pertaining to, or of the nature of romance; characteristic or suggestive of the world of romance: a romantic adventure.
2.
fanciful; impractical; unrealistic: romantic ideas.
3.
imbued with or dominated by idealism, a desire for adventure, chivalry, etc.
4.
characterized by a preoccupation with love or by the idealizing of love or one's beloved.
5.
displaying or expressing love or strong affection.
6.
ardent; passionate; fervent.
Tristan, orphaned nephew of King Mark of Cornwall, goes to Ireland to be cured of a battle wound by Isolde. Mark falls in love with Tristan’s reports of Isolde, and sends Tristan back to Ireland to ask her to marry him on his behalf. Isolde accepts the offer of marriage from King Mark. On the return journey from Ireland to Cornwall, Tristan and Isolde inadvertently drink a love potion intended for Mark and Isolde. There is a great conflict between the way Tristan and Islode feel about each other and the allegiance which both lovers owe to King Mark. Isolde marries Mark but continues her affair with Tristan. Tristan and Isolde are sent into exile as a punishment. Later King Mark forgives them and Tristan makes an unconsummated marriage to another Isolde, Isolde of the White Hands.
Ultimately, Tristan is again wounded by a poisonous weapon. Only the Irish Isolde can heal him. He sends for her, arranging as a sign that the sail of the ship sent for her should be white if she agrees to come to him, and black otherwise. Isolde comes and a white sail heralds her arrival, but Isolde of the White Hands, motivated by jealousy, tells Tristan that the sail is black. He dies of despair. Isolde arrives and kills herself.
Tristan, King Mark, and Isolde all hold love for each other. Tristan honours, respects, and loves King Mark as his mentor and adopted father; Isolde is grateful that Mark is kind to her, which he is certainly not obliged to be; and Mark loves Tristan as his son, and Isolde as a wife. It is the romantic love, the unreal dream which Tristan and Isolde have for each other which leads to their ultimate downfall.
posted by Lady Fotherington-Smethers at 4:33 AM
1 Comments:
Love and Marriage
Love has very little to do with marriage, although I am surprised at how many people -- even "educated" youngsters in places like India that were culturally mature in the past -- think otherwise. Married life, first with a partner, and then potentially with other genetically allied human beings, is essentially a lesson in the recognition of limitations on individual freedom. It has to do with tolerating and appreciating different points of view in a sequence of very prolonged and intimate interactions, where politeness may fade with time. So the initial flush of physical infatuation soon ceases to be a "decoupling" interruption in the reality of married life. Hence those marriages are likely to be long-tenured and successful that have been socially organized or arranged.
In all societies, marriages are arranged to more or less degree, although the rituals/brokerage mechanisms may be very divergent and appear disguised, particularly in societies where the mythology of individual freedom is widely accepted. The idea of individual choice in marriage is of course a mental construct that reinforces the acceptance of what is primarily a social and socially enforced institution. What is fascinating in "new" European societies such as the US, is the strong idealized belief that love is a necessary prerequisite in marriage, when there is dramatic empirical evidence to suggest that marriages fail for a variety of more mundane reasons such as wealth tolerance, brand preference, work-sharing, etc. It appears that despite marriages being based on "love", there is an ex ante probability of greater than 70% that love cannot overcome individual differences on the mundane criteria stated above.
So marriages are more likely to succeed where they are arranged and where there is a consistent connection between deep social networks, cultural celebration of social institutions including marriage, a clear/pragmatic recognition of gender differences, and a recognition of the balance between social intrusion and private space.
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