Bloggers Christmas Social Event

I heard tell of the following event on http://blog.britblog.com and am definitly going along - I like any excuse for a get-together and being new to the blogosphere I need all the advice I can get.

By popular demand there will be a Christmas blogmeet in London! It will be held on Saturday 9th December from about 2:30 PM, probably in a pub near Covent Garden. I’m thinking about the same pub as the last London blogmeet, but want to get a feel for numbers before we commit to anything.
These are always good fun once the ice is broken, so if you’re around please do drop in if you can. If you think you can make it (even if you’re not too sure), please leave a note below saying so in order for me to get a feel for numbers before I reserve any tables.
Pretty Please
It would be great if you could help spread the word about this event. They really are good fun, but only if people turn up! If you could mention it on your blog (even if you can’t make it) then it should help more people find out about it and boost the numbers. And of course, I’d be eternally grateful. Thanks

A Romantic Novel

"Really, I didn't realise Bob was back" stammered Jane, hoping her voice did not betray the depth of emotion she was feeling. Her heart raced - last time she had seen Bob he had been the tall dark stranger with the pink ipod and the tartan socks she had fallen in love with, the man who had aroused her to such a crescendo of passion that she had found it impossible to erase him from her memory ever since, she could still remember his florescent yellow boxer shorts as they had fallen on the floor of the mud hut in Scotland where they had made love for the first time, it was a pity that sheep interrupted them at the most inconvenient moment.....

(to be continued.............)

Prostitution of my Talent??

I was considering trying to write a romantic novel. It might be a money-spinner. Lots of women read them. They are short. They are in simple language. They all have a similar story in different settings (some of them have sex scenes in - some don't). Boy meets girl. Boy falls out with girl (include some type of weak storyline). They get back together and go off into the sunset. Throw in a man who is strong, rich, good looking, really arrogant and domineering with no sense of humour and a woman who is beautiful, sweeter than a candyfloss dipped in saccharin and more annoying than the Crazy Frog song and hopefully I will have a couple of grand in the bank no fuss.

The problem is I do not think of relationships in a traditionally romantic way - I tend to think they are like having a best friend you have sex with. I don't think writing
"She went out with him, they slept together. It was quite nice. They seemed to get on reasonably well and have a lot in common so they decided to live together"
is going to sell my book. So I thought I would have a look at some romantic novels in the local bookshop. Lines such as:
"He kissed her and it felt like the sun, moon and stars wre coming down from heaven and she was transported to other realms...."
did worry me. Who wants to read this drivel, I thought. Then I came up with an even better idea - I will write a comedy romantic novel...taking the mick out of the whole genre...,there must be lots of people who think like me who will buy it!! At least I hope so.

The Meaning of Life (2) - Everything is a Joke!

I treat everything as an opportunity for humour. I started to think about this recently when a strange old man in a supermarket queue called me a facetious cow. The lady at the checkout had complained about being cold. He had remarked that if she did more work she would be warmer. I then pointed out that it was difficult for her to keep warm when she was sitting down all day and was only given a thin blouse to wear. Obviously he was a rude disturbed individual with no life and a personality disorder but it did make me think. There is nothing that I will not make a joke about - war, death, bald people, fat people, religion, the state of the world the list is endless. I don't think this is cruel or insensitive. I am happy to take a joke against myself and regularly make fun of myself also.

There was a time when the government in the UK were considering passing a law to ban jokes about race, religion, gender etc or whatever other stupid things some people get offended over. This would in effect ban all stand up comedy so I am glad it didn't happen.

There is something positive about everything - even death - afer all it will be interesting to find out what happens aferwards (obviously I don't want it to happen to me yet, I want to die in my sleep at age 100). So I think everyone should lighten up, stop moaning and laugh at each other more. Politics is a joke (look at the monkey in charge of the USA), religion is a joke (people claiming to support peace are making war on other religions also claiming to support peace). And when we die I am sure God will say something like
"What, the Bible - you didn't think I was serious with all that sh*te did you'!! I just wanted to give you something else to fight about!!"

The Vampire - A Poem for Halloween

He walks in death, his silver claws are sheathed, soft to the touch.
His mouth is closed. Those ruby lips, those lips have kissed too much.
The grace and subtle charm he has, deceiving innocent eyes.
He smiles at them. A smile of blood, hiding a soul of ice.

The women with the flowing hair follow him with their gaze.
Their mouths are hiding fang-like teeth, their breath warm on his face.
Fusing him with sulky stares they move to let him pass.
For they are dead and he will find some living flesh at last.

Around his grave the sun may shine, around his headstone loved ones weep.
The echoed empty holy words still ring - he will not sleep.
As blackest night approaches, the throbbing life he'll take.
He'll leave a train of frozen hearts with stillness in his wake.

by Lorainne